February 15th is like any other day of the year.
That’s the nature of a holiday, I guess: one special day amongst many, a chance to break out your dancing shoes and make this one occasion just a little more memorable than the rest. In the aftermath, though, one question remains: what about the day after? What about the ‘normal’ days, those not lucky enough to be blessed by the marketing machines?
Again: February 15th is like any other day of the year. Here’s the thing, though — it doesn’t have to be.
Why do we need just one special day to be grateful? Why do we need just one ‘excuse’ to spend time with the person we love most, to treat them with the kind of courtesy we should already offer on a daily basis?
We don’t. That’s easy to forget, though, in the pre-Valentine’s Day madness, in the flurry of warm colors and shiny paper hearts. There’s tremendous buildup for a single, expensive day in February, and then there’s silence: discounted candy, sale prices on red and white-painted decorations, and an entire population that sighs, settles back into normal, and starts counting down until the next big celebration.
It doesn’t have to be like this. We don’t have to build and build for a special day, pass it in a flash, and then dump it, ready and oh-so willing to jump to the next. We don’t have to play along with the holiday machine, celebrating our love just one day out of the year, and we don’t have to forget, here on February 15th, what Valentine’s Day is really about.
We have a choice.
We can flip our calendars on to tomorrow, letting the pink streamers fade into February, or we can take a few moments to think about Valentine’s Day, about what it means, and apply that lesson to every single day of the year.
A Single Guy’s Approach to Valentine’s Day
First, a disclaimer: I’m single.
I spent the last two or three years in a relationship, meaning my Valentine’s Day passed much like everyone else’s. There was a mad scramble to find a good gift, last-minute reservations at a fancy restaurant in town, and a general feeling of relief once the day arrived and I could focus on the part that genuinely mattered: time with my girlfriend, the person worth all of the fuss and hassle.
Last night, though? I stayed in and made dinner with my roommate. In one of the Great Cooking Tragedies of 2011, we made fish and eggs, increasingly aware of what a terrible thing we’d done and trying not to collapse from laughter as we stared suspiciously at our plates. We then divvied the box of chocolates between us, listened to some quirky Indian music, and generally had a great time.
It wasn’t ‘romantic.’ It wasn’t fine dining at an equally fine restaurant, and nor was it the Valentine’s Day routine I’d followed for the last few years. In a way, though, I felt a connection to the holiday just a strong as any year before — a recognition of what February 14th is really about, and an honest respect for a holiday that’s buried deeper and deeper in white and red decorations with each passing year.
It’s about love — that much is obvious. In a bigger sense, though, it’s about gratitude, about reminding ourselves of what we’ve been given — of every blessed gift in this quirky little thing we call life.
I don’t have a girlfriend, sure, but I still have so much to love. I have a surprising, illuminating life in a city that continues to change me. I have a roommate that’s strong, smart, and someone I’m genuinely lucky to know. I have a community all around — both online and off — that’s supportive, engaging, and an utter pleasure to interact with.
In short, I have a lot to be grateful for. That’s easy to forget, though, in the day-to-day routine, and that’s where I think Valentine’s Day has incredible value: it reminds us to love.
It reminds us to be grateful. It reminds us, for at least one day, to take stock of our world, and to embrace every remarkable thing woven into the fabric of our lives.
What do you have to be grateful for? What do you love in your life? It doesn’t have to be any one person, though that’s the normal focus of the day. Take stock, now, of everything in your life that you consider yourself lucky to have, and then take a moment to love it as best as you can.
That’s Valentine’s Day. That’s how it should be, I think, and that’s how we should approach our lives every day of the year.
The Day After Valentine’s Day
Isn’t it a little strange that we pick just one day out of 365 to celebrate the strongest of human emotions? Isn’t it puzzling, too, that we forget that celebration as soon as it passes? Shouldn’t love and gratitude be our approach every single day of the year? Shouldn’t we cultivate that mindful gratitude on a daily basis, warming our hearts and minds at every opportunity?
That’s easier said than done, of course. Of all struggles, though, I think you’d be hard-pressed to find one more worthwhile than the active choice to live mindfully — to live gratefully, to love freely, and to look happily and honestly at every part of our daily routine.
To live like every day is Valentine’s Day, in other words, minus the marketing machine.
Again, you have a choice: let February 14th, 2011 slip into the background, or take the spirit — the heart — of the holiday and make it an active part of your life for the rest of the year.
Me? I know which one I’d pick. Here are a few ideas of how to make it happen:
1. Bite-size it!
Write a small paragraph, now, reminding yourself to love your life. Print it out, if you like, and keep it in your wallet/purse so you’ll have it always on hand. I’ve stuck mine on top of my to-do list, so I’ll be reminded every time I pull it up. Here’s how mine reads:
“Love your life.
You’re going to forget. You’re going to write a post about it, and you’re going to be pretty solid about it for the next week, and then things will settle down and you’ll probably start forgetting. Don’t do that, champ. Love your life, your friends, your family, your every opportunity, experience, and memory, and remember to love every day like it was Valentine’s Day 365 times a year.”
You get the idea.
2. Make Valentine’s Day a monthly occurrence.
Not literally, of course, with gift-giving, chocolates, and expensive dinner reservations. Your wallet will thank you.
Opt for something a little more low-key — but every bit as meaningful — and try and pursue it on a monthly basis. Make it the 14th of every month, if you like, but just make sure, now, that you take at least one day every few weeks to celebrate the things you love.
Take your significant other on a date. Spend an entire day with your family. Try and spend some time with the people and things you love, and remember that it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It can be a phone call to someone you don’t see on a regular basis, a coffee date with a friend you’re especially grateful for, or just time for yourself to curl up with a good book — whatever it is, make it consistent, and frame it with the realization that you’re being grateful for the things you really love in your life.
Simple as that.
3. Say “thank you” the best way you can.
Write a letters of thanks, maybe, or make a single phone call to someone you’re thankful for. Email works fine too — the key idea is to take time and communicate to someone how grateful you are to them. “Thank you” is a common courtesy, but the words still carry weight, and the impact that a thankful email can make on someone’s day can never be overstated.
I have a folder, now, of thankful emails I’ve received, and I can say with sincerity that every single one of them has the power to lift me up like nothing else. Personal correspondence like that is a gift in every sense of the word, so why not take a few minutes to send an email to someone you’re grateful for? It’s a small gesture in so many ways, but it’s absolutely one of the best ways to spread the love that Valentine’s Day encourages.
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The point, in any case, is to practice gratitude, and to remind yourself as often as possible to love every quirky thing you have in your lovely, quirky life.
That’s the core idea behind Valentine’s Day, I think, and one worth remembering every single day we love, laugh and smile on this earth.
So what are you waiting for? Start today.
It might not be Valentine’s Day, but that’s no reason to forget what it stands for. It’s the day after Valentine’s Day, in fact, but that’s no reason to let a day of love and gratitude fade away like any other holiday.
February 15th is like any other day of the year — but don’t forget to cherish it, and don’t forget to cherish every day after it, too.
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14 Comments »
I'm a writer, minimalist, and health dork with three goals in mind: to teach you how to lose weight, move more, and be happier by living a simple, natural life. It works. Like what you read here? Get 3NL delivered straight to your inbox!
Great ideas! Boyfriend and I did something similar and had our private celebration on Friday, then took a few of our lovely single friends out for hibachi last night. A great time was had by all!
We also celebrate Monthiversary every first of the month, since our first date was on June 1st.
And every night around nine, when our work for the day is finished, we get together to watch a little TV and have “coffee snack,” which is just our personal code for spending quality time together. The coffee and the TV are not important, but the time is!
That sounds lovely, Anna.
You’re focusing exactly on what you should be: your friends, each other, and ways to cherish them as much as possible. Kudos!
Matt, I am grateful to know you.
I think it’s about time to do the post. : p
I think so! Looking forward to it.
Ha ha ha you read my mind – every year, single or not, I text my friends and say how wonderful it is having them in my life. There isn’t a day where you appreciate your friends, and I think that is terribly unfortunate – romantic interest comes and goes but in the modern day and age, friends ARE family. My favourite Valentine’s Day my girlfriends and I all happened to be single at the same time, so we got dressed up as sailors and went out on the town in defiance of all the forced romantic festivism. Most fun I have ever had on V. Day!
I really, really dislike Valentine’s Day as a concept. It makes me uncomfortable, genuinely. I dont mind being doted on and taken out to wonderful places on my birthday, but the forced nature of expectation on Valentine’s ruins any romance in my opinion. Also I detest the idea that the only way we can show affection is through consumerism and the buying of stuff. Must just be my minimalist streak coming out!!
Y’know, I never thought about that. We don’t have a day just to celebrate our friends, do we? Which is a shame, like you said, since they tend to fill in as a second family for so many people — myself included!
I know what you mean about the artificiality of Valentine’s Day. Just the fact that romantic gestures become expected is enough to kill a lot of the love for me, but I still think it’s worth reminding ourselves what the day should be about. It’s easy to forget that when all the local stores start selling Valentine’s nonsense by the handful, but you and I both know that we don’t need much more than a genuine love and affection for the things we cherish most.
I try to share this same idea anytime there is any holiday of any sort. There is nothing that makes today any better brighter then the next unless I so choose it to be. Why the hell not make today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today?!
Great idea for a post dude!
David Damron
LifeExcursion
Thanks, man! The broader idea definitely applies to every holiday, so kudos to you for reminding everyone to treat every day of the year with love and respect.
And that post dear Matt, shall result in your no longer being single. By that, I mean great post!
Haha! Thank you, Kristy, for both parts.
I haven’t met a whole lot of people in Los Angeles yet, but who knows? Maybe you’re right!
Love it, Matt! Absolutely love this post! You are so right in saying we should be showing love every day not on just this one, this theme cropped up again and again for us this year, so glad to see this posted the day after! Awesome, thanks for sharing with such heart and we agree; you surely can’t be single much longer! Aloha & Hugs!
Haha! Well, I’m still single, but that doesn’t bother me much (or at all!): the love I received from you and all of my other friends (online and off!) was more than enough for me.
Thanks, Gena!
Thanks, Matt.
I’m going to buy 18 red roses for my wife today (2/18/11). Maybe they’re on sale, too.
Best,
Mark
You’re a great husband, Mark. I’m sure your wife will be thrilled.