It’s easier than you think!
So easy that I’ve written a four-step guide, in fact, which should lay to rest any concerns you might have about this most crippling of questions: how, when sitting down to do the one thing I’ve always wanted to do, can I do it the worst way possible?
I’m here for you, folks. I’m not always comfortable calling myself an ‘expert,’ but in this one sense I have no such issues with modesty — I am the best at this thing. This thing that is not good. This thing that you should try to avoid at all possible costs, especially when you’re doing something as intensely personal as creating.
Sigh.
1. Ignore the fact that you’re a perfectionist.
You can picture it now: your product. It gleams. It shines, even, with the fury of a thousand laptop screens, a reality that will soon be scorched into your retinas from an average of a dozen hours each day spent drooling by the screen.
You have some perfectionist tendencies, sure, but it’s like whatever, right? They’re not a big deal. You may not be completely happy with the final product, but that’s a-okay, boss, because you’re a strong enough person to put a pretty pink bow on the package and just ship it out to the world, totally not wondering/doubting/panicking if you should have used green wrapping paper instead.
But it’s okay! Don’t stress. You’re not a full-time perfectionist or anything, the kind of person who could spend hours tweaking the spacing between letters on a certain page of the document that not a single person in the world would ever think to notice. That’d be exhausting, frankly, and your time is way better spent on the next step instead.
2. Hate everything you do.
Everything.
3. Doubt yourself every step of the way.
Not just in the beginning, no, nor just that last home stretch of the process. You’ll need to consistently downplay your talent every single time you sit down to work, aiming to sour your mood with a frequency you haven’t seen since highschool.
You’ll have scattered moments, here and there, when you read a particularly thrilling passage, slouch in your chair, and start to think “Hey, not bad.” Be wary of these. Positive emotions are better left for other people, the kind who aren’t inherently over-critical of their own work, and allowing yourself an occasional moment of kindness is the kind of nonsense that actually lets you get stuff done.
You, though? You don’t have time for kindness.
4. Don’t expect the unexpected.
Your roadmap will totally resemble this:
- Set a deadline.
- Begin your project.
- Finish project on time.
- Celebrate!
Assume that you will not encounter obstacles. Bet on the fact that you will not lose an entire week to family concerns, and nor will you ever suffer day-long bouts of crippling disbelief in your ability create. Expect your project to proceed smoothly, untouched by any bumps in the road, and figure that it will release precisely when you want it to, a testament to your talent and your slavish dedication to the deadline.
In other news, the world is perfect and nothing ever goes wrong.
In All Seriousness, Now
Seriously speaking, folks, the build-up to Roots has been a mess. I debated which word to put there, thinking “catastrophe” might better convey just how exhausting the process has been, but I’ve decided on something softer and more neutral instead — something more accurate, in fact, painful though that may be to admit.
The business of creating is messy. You know that as well as I do, but that doesn’t mean we like to talk about it, right? Call it the seedy underbelly of an otherwise illustrious process, that long shadow behind a capability we like to hold up as the greatest of humanity’s gifts.
I’ve been battling this realization for about a month, now, neglecting my posting here and trying to wrap my head around a question that isn’t as silly as I wish it would seem: how am I going to do this?
How am I ever going to follow my dreams if I tear myself down every step of the way?
I don’t know if I have the answer. What I’ve settled on instead is a step in the right direction — not a revelatory sentence, by any stretch of the means, but the kind of truth that straddles the line between comfortable and inspirational.
You have to be kind to yourself.
If creativity is humanity’s greatest gift, then it only makes sense that we realize what that actually means.
We’re still human, after all, these incredible, quirky organisms that come saddled with all sorts of baggage. Our ability to create stems from the same source of that weight — the same pool, in a sense, that builds us up just as much as it can tear us down.
The only real solution, then, is to take a step back and breathe deep. We need to take some of the pressure off and remind ourselves of who we are: human. Creative, intelligent, healthy humans, who need to be as kind to themselves as possible when they’re thrusting themselves out front for all the world to see.
I’m going to try and be kind to myself. I have a copy of Roots, now, sitting on my hard drive, that has undergone innumerable changes in the last twenty-four hours alone. These last few steps have been the hardest, in so many ways, but also the most illuminating — the most blatant proof yet that the only real way to survive the creation process is to stop, breathe, and try and be nice with the person who needs it most.
That’d be me. And you, I suspect, whenever you’re staring down the long road ahead.
Be kind to yourself. You deserve it most, I think.
A Brief Note About Roots
The book will be released sometime in the next two weeks. It’s been a long time coming, needless to say, and I’m reluctant to delay it any longer, but the extra time will be beneficial in more ways than one.
I’ll make a formal announcement next week of the launch date, so look for it then. And in the meantime, please be patient with me as 3NL resumes its regular posting schedule in advance of all the great things (book, site redesign, and more!) approaching in the next month.
Stick around, folks. We can only go up from here!
31 Comments »
I'm a writer, minimalist, and health dork with three goals in mind: to teach you how to lose weight, move more, and be happier by living a simple, natural life. It works. Like what you read here? Get 3NL delivered straight to your inbox!
Hey Matt–
I think knowing and accepting that I am not perfect was the first step to enjoying life. If I can laugh at myself and grow from my mistakes, I know I will appreciate that which I have more.
The second step that has taught me a lot is to ask the bare minimum of a task/goal and you will blow those expectations out of the water. Often, I set gargantuan goals when, in reality, I achieve more when I set a small goal and just get going.
Great advice Matt…hope your readers take it to heart.
David Damron
Life Excursion
Thanks, David!
It’s weird, in a way. I fully accept that I’m not perfect, and I poke fun at my mistakes on a daily basis, but I have a far harder time ignoring that need for perfection when it comes to my writing. Still, I’m getting better at just shipping, as they say, and I’m growing more comfortable with the idea that not every word needs to be absolute perfection on the page.
This list vaguely reminds me of “How To Ruin Your Life” by Ben Stein.
The problem is, writing a book is kind of like growing food. You research, you study, you plan, you throw everything you have out in the field, and you hope for the best. Months and months later, if everything goes right, you reap the reward.
No, it’s not the most efficient system ever designed – but without people who put in the effort to grow food, society would starve.
Books are food for our minds, and we need good books almost as badly as we need good food for our bodies.
You’ve got a great message, and it needs to be heard. Keep pushing – you’re almost there!
That it is, Robert. My original idea for Roots — and hell, the outline I posted in the announcement post — are completely different from the final product, though I’d call that a happy byproduct of writing itself. In any case, it’s indicative of the same process that every single author goes through, that valiant struggle against the creative forces that helps advance humanity as a whole.
It’s a journey worth undertaking, either way, even if it may not seem like it at the time.
Thanks for the kind words!
Dear Matt,
YOU ARE A TALENTED WRITER. Stop doubting yourself so much. I think you have a witty style of writing and I enjoy reading your work, it gets to me.
I had similar feelings when I was studying for my exams. I filled myself with self-loath when I caught myself procrastinating (like all the time), and I just started accepting that I am just an average student. But that’s just not true. When I study with focus, I learn pretty fast. When I really try to solve a complex math problem (my major is in electrical engineering, btw) I’ll get it done eventually. If you are aware of your talents and your possibilities (in my opinion, you don’t have to be extraordinary talented to be good at something. I think you can force yourself to gain certain skills.), you will get stuff done because you just know you can and when you’re finished, IT’S GONNA BE GOOD. When you create something, you know that it will be great, because YOU KNOW YOU DIT IT.
When your writing is blocked by the disbelief in your abilities, ignore that feeling and just right something. Anything. Without thinking about quality. In the end, you’ll see that the results aren’t as bad as you thought they might be in the beginning. Maybe you’re satisfied with what you’ve come up so far, maybe, on a later review, you’ll find yourself just doing minor corrections, or you get inspired by how wrong the paragraphs that you just wrote are and have plenty of new ideas how to do it right. I bet it’s almost everytime one of those options and never delete+hating yourself.
I think you should chew a bit on the idea that you actually already have everything that you need for following your dreams.
I am really looking forward to reading Roots.
With best regards
Silvio
Haha! Thanks for the kick in the ass, Silvio.
This post, honestly, was meant to be humorous above anything else, so trust me when I say that I’m not sitting around here having an identity crisis or anything like that.
I do believe that I have everything I need to follow my dreams. I doubt the idea sometimes, especially when I’m knee-deep in the act of creation, but the process of writing Roots — and the events of these last few weeks — have really helped me come to the conclusion you wrote above.
Your comment helps, in any case, as it’s always good to remember that I’m not alone in having the same doubts and concerns that come with being human.
I appreciate the kind words, Silvio. I hope you like the book.
There is a great TED talk that covers this exact topic, give it a try if you have a spare 20 mins… its great stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86x-u-tz0MA
P.s. Roots is awesome. Pat yourself on the back and smile
I’ll do just that.
Thanks, Mia!
Aww, I think you just need a hug. Drop everything and go find one. You’re awesome. Not as awesome as ME, of course, but at least you KNOW me, so that’s something.
And if you need it later, I’ll help you write a post on How to Succeed at Being an Introverted Narcissist. You’ll love it, even if no one else does.
Whoops, gotta go. My ghost says I’m up too late.
Bahah! Thing is, this post wasn’t meant to be horribly self-deprecating. I thought it would be a tongue-in-cheek way of poking fun at my own human-ness, I guess.
Write that post regardless. I dig the idea.
I’d say its time to embrace the ‘fuck it’ philosophy!
I’d say it’s growing more appealing all the time.
Hi Matt,
Good article thank you for sharing. I believe that one of life’s biggest illusions is to think of ourselves as one sided emotional beings. This perception is the very reason why we beat ourselves up when we realize we’re not what that illusion wants us to be.
We don’t “have” to be nice to ourself or anybody, critics serve just as much as praise. It is an unrealistic expectation to assume never to be mean to oneself or others, happy and never sad, kind and never cruel, positive and never negative, nice and never mean, giving and never receiving etcetera. The two opposites always go together.
It is wise to see the blessing in a situation we perceive to be challenging, to see the hidden order behind everything that we do or don’t do. It is wise not to have unrealistic expectations about ourselves or others. We are all Perfect just as we are, with our strengths and flaws the biggest challenge for any human being is to learn to embrace and love them both.
Your book will be a massive success, let us know when is out.
Francesco
And it’s wise, I think, to remind ourselves of who we are: humans. Your comment is beautiful and insightful, Francesco, and I really appreciate you taking the time to post it here. There’s a larger picture, here, about recognizing who are in the larger context of who we want to be, and I think you covered it quite succinctly: “We are all Perfect just as we are, with our strengths and flaws.”
I’m going to try and remember that. Thank you.
If you’re not kind to yourself, who will be? Treating others the way we want to be treated starts with loving ourselves. Personally, I can’t wait for your latest creation!
Thanks so much, Marnie! I agree completely. If I can’t love and appreciate who I am, who will?
It is always so surprising to me when I read a post like this. I think to myself, wow s/he seemed to have it all together. You mean THEY have doubts? THEY give themselves shit? THEY think their work isn’t good enough? Wow, I am in good company!
Seriously, If this blog is any indication (and Simpler AND Roots, which I already have, thank you!), you are a seriously talented person who needs to recognize that, enjoy it, and…be kind to yourself.
Congrats on a freaking HUGE undertaking – I am sure it will be a success. Just maybe not exactly the way you were expecting. Better.
I’m definitely trying, Danielle.
Your comment helps tremendously!
In all sincerity, though, you pegged it perfectly. I have my doubts as much as anyone else, and when it comes to what I put on the page I might be the harshest critic imaginable. I’m a work-in-progress, as ever, and in that sense I’m human just like everyone else.
I can definitely relate. My wife and I have so many different interests that we can’t seem to focus on any one thing long enough to make headway.
I have to pick one project and exclude all others. This works for me because I don’t have to split my focus. It’s definitely hard sometimes, but I actually get things done this way instead of having tons of half completed goals driving me crazy.
Just my $.02
Keep it up though. You’ll get there.
Thanks, Trey!
That’s what I did with Roots, in the end, and will continue to do from this point forward: put my nose to the ground and get things done.
Solid advice, I think!
Hi Matt~
Lucky to be YOU *
Sometimes its effective to just walk away from something (even for just a few moments) and recollect your thoughts and sanity! When I get some sort of writers block or just ‘not feelin’ it’, I go do something else- go chat to someone, go for a walk or do something completely mindless. Sometimes the brain just needs a rest and time to process stuff away from the task you’re trying to complete.
Life is like a massive scribble on a page- its messy and does all sorts of loops. If things ran smoothly all the time, what interesting stories would you have to tell?
.You’re doing a great job, keep at it!
That’s what I did, funnily enough.
My reasons for taking a step back — self-doubt and all ugly things — might not have been the best, but taking a few days to collect myself helped a whole hell of a lot. I’m back, now, and feeling bolder than ever, so fingers crossed I won’t need another personal vacation any time soon.
Thanks for everything, Adriana.
You’re welcome. I hope everything worked out for the best in the end, and remember- you’re only human
For whoever posted the TED talk – good! I love TED! That’s a great talk!
Anyway… I’ve been checking out your blog for a little while now, and I loved the “Simpler” e-Book. I completely understand the perfectionist/doubt thing – story of my life! That’s part of what led me to gaining weight that I lost back… I’m getting into more ‘primal’ and ‘paleo’ and generally ‘whole foods’ type of eating and things are definitely changing.
The point is, being kind to yourself is probably one of the best things you can do, ever. I finally stopped doubting my ability to understand chemistry and harder sciences, and now I’m seriously considering becoming a doctor despite already being halfway done with undergrad. I know I will do whatever it takes to get to where I want to be if I want it bad enough and if I love it that much.
Drawing upon the lyrics from one of my favorite songs by Kings of Convenience.. “Failure is always the best way to learn, retracing your steps ’til you know, have no fear, your wounds will heal.”
Keep blogging and writing!
I completely agree, Abby — there comes a point when you just have to shrug, say “well, I’m human after all,” and dive in deep with whatever excites you. I dance around that point with my writing, but the lesson is still worth listening to. You gotta be kind to yourself.
And thank you for the kind words! I really appreciate them, Abby, and am glad you took the time to write them out.
…I couldn’t stop laughing at #4.
The self-love is awesome here, despite the title
FYI everyone, Matt is totally being humble/misleading in this post because Roots is going to blow your mind! Hehe.
I certainly hope so.
And hey! No self-love here. Just honest, often sarcastic reflections on my own failings as a writer.
sigh…..I know e x a c t l y what you’re talking about. I just created my own product and there were many times when self-doubt almost made me give up in defeat.
So many times I’ve kicked myself to the ground. And the only person who can really help you up to your feet..is yourself. We need to be our own wing man…that person in the corner that cheers you on… rah rah rah..you go you!..
It’s ironic that the only thing that holds you back from getting what you want is honestly… yourself.
“We can only go up from here!” <– POSITIVITY in the face of CATASTROPHE*.
* Catastrophes aren't always what they seem. These things happen. Flow and go with it, my friend.
And besides. I'm seeing you soon in LA!
You put a smile on my face while I read this Matt. It reminded me of the end of last year when I was putting the finishing touches on my first ebook.
I bet yours will be stellar.